*Gasp!* An obscenity! Nobody’s actually offended by those anymore, right? Thank the Almighty Father (Quetzalcoatl) for that, because I am not here to talk about swear words. I am here, in this cyberplace, to talk about Rhode Island.
Rhode Island is my home state. But if you read my *WANTED* poster in your local post office, you already knew that. I guess you also know about all those trains I robbed…
Like I was saying, Rhode Island is my home. It always has been. And what an offbeat place it is… I mean, it’s not even really an island. I forget that people from the other side of the country sometimes aren’t aware of that. But it’s all good, you guys. See, Rhode Island is like the Shire of the United States: it’s a small, oft-forgotten realm of woods, fields, rivers, and coves filled with people who generally mind the limits of how much they care what goes on in the outside world.
This state is full of secrets and forgotten significances. Newport’s shores are dimpled with pirate caves, the last submarine sunk during World War II lies wrecked off of Block Island’s east coast, the ruins of a condemned mental hospital and an outdated amusement park rot in the forest, a “vampire” is buried behind a quaint church on the woody border of farming lands.
While the colonial ports of Boston are oft-trumpeted as the birthplace of our nation’s freedom, the history of RI is an overlooked testament to the spirit of rebellion. Boston Tea Party!? Humph. Bunch of grown men dressed up as indians, throwing boxes of darjeeling off a merchant ship? Sounds like a plan the Little Rascals cobbled together. You know what Rhode Islanders were doing while that joke was going on? We BURNED a ship. We didn’t throw tea off it. We BURNED it. We were tossing redcoats in the grave before the Revolutionary War even started!!
Not to mention, Rhode Island was the first colony to sign the Declaration of Independence, technically making us the first sovereign state in the western hemisphere.
Well, now I’m all fired up about slaughtering 18th century British soldiers. Do me a favor, people: check out Fuck Yeah Rhode Island, a Tumblr dedicated to collecting and posting great photos that actually manage to make my overlooked home look like a decent place to visit or live.
